How Do I Handle Negative Feedback From My Team?

“How do I deal with negative feedback from my team?”

This is one of the most common questions I get from my executive coaching clients—and one of the most transformational if approached with courage.

This week’s blog is about what to do when your team gives you negative feedback. Not the polished 5-step plan. The real stuff. What I’ve learned the hard way. And the practices that still keep me growing.

Let’s talk about the kind of feedback that makes your stomach drop.

Not the easy stuff—the hard stuff. The, “You don’t listen like you used to. Or, “Your intensity shuts people down. And the one I learned most from, “We don’t feel safe speaking up around you.”

I’ve received feedback like that. And I’ll be honest—it hurt. But it also cracked something open in me that needed to break.

If you’re leading in times like these—pressure up, trust down—you’re not alone. Here’s how we can stay human and keep leading anyway.

When Feedback Cuts Deep

The first time a team member told me—plainly and bravely—that I wasn’t as approachable as I thought I was, my heart stopped beating. My mouth went dry. I was stunned.

It came during a tough stretch. We were under financial pressure, everyone was stretched thin, and I was doing what I thought good leaders do: holding the line, staying focused, keeping things moving. But apparently, in the process, I’d shut people out. I wasn’t listening the way I used to. I’d stopped asking real questions and started defaulting to directives.

When the feedback came, it landed hard. I felt my body tighten, my brain rush to explain or justify. I wanted to say, “You have no idea how much I’m holding right now.”

And that was true. But what was also true: they were holding a lot too. And I’d stopped seeing that.

So I did something that wasn’t natural for me at the time—I said, 'thank you'. I told them I needed to sit with it. And I did. I went for a walk. I let the sting pass. And when I came back, I didn’t make promises I couldn’t keep—I just started showing up differently.

I was consistent; if I said I would meet at a certain time, I did. I asked for more feedback. I practiced staying open even when it was uncomfortable. I asked for help with big ideas and daily tasks. And slowly, the culture shifted. Because people don't resist change so much as they resist being changed. So, when my team saw I took their feedback seriously, the trust factor went light-speed.

What I Learned

When you're leading in high-stakes, high-pressure environments—where the margin for error feels razor thin—it’s easy to shut down feedback in the name of focus. But the truth is: your team’s feedback is the focus. Especially when it’s hard to hear.

It’s not about perfection—it's never about perfection. It’s about staying human, responsive, and willing to learn.

Five Things That Helped (and still do) When I Get Hard Feedback

1. Don’t react—regulate.

   That first moment? It’s not the time to speak. It’s the time to breathe. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice the stories your brain starts spinning (“They don’t respect me,” “They have no idea how hard this is”). Let them pass. Reactivity kills trust. Presence rebuilds it.

   
   

2. Get curious instead of needing to be right.

   You don’t have to agree with everything you hear—but you do have to understand it. Ask real questions: “Can you say more about that?” or “When have you felt that most?” You’re not just collecting intel—you’re showing that you care enough to learn.

   
   

3. Remember—it’s not personal, it’s relational.

   Feedback is about how your actions land, not who you are. That’s a crucial distinction. If you confuse the two, it’ll either paralyze you with shame or trigger you into fight mode. Neither helps. Stay grounded in the fact that you’re leading humans, not running code.

   
   

4. Come back with something.

   Not a grand gesture—just a response. “I’ve been thinking about what you said.” That alone can be powerful. Then name one thing you’re trying to shift. Keep it real. Keep it doable. Trust is built in those small, honest updates.

   
   

5. Make feedback part of the rhythm, not a rare event.

   Don’t wait for the quarterly pulse check. Build informal feedback into 1:1s. Ask questions like “Is there anything I’m doing—or not doing—that’s making your work harder?” That question alone has opened more doors for me than any survey ever could.

   
   

   If you're leading through complexity, uncertainty, or burnout—you’re not alone. We work best with leaders doing the hard, human work of staying open when it matters most--when you have the chance to make change so your people are successful.

   
   

   What’s one piece of negative feedback you’ve received that—while hard to hear—changed how you lead?